Hi lover,
Has it been a while since you heard from me? I have been busy partying hard with the demons in my mind and becoming immortal by accidentally eating Swarovski crystals. Feeling tired, but I think about you all the time. I hope you’re eating well and resting a lot.
In January, my demons started nagging me to hang with them at the PAIN PALACE™ because they wanted me to ride a gnarly roller coaster ride called THE PANINI. I was like fuck it, why not? 🙃 Partying with demons kinda feels like being at a rave smoking a whole pack of yummy Korean cigarettes, feeling a little icky inside and irritated about not knowing where the exit is—-but also surrounded by unresponsive cuties sinking into k-holes... and the sun is rising!! I briefly mentioned it in the first newsletter as an emotional fortress but PAIN PALACE™ is also the *hedonistic* mental playground where my demons go to indulge. It also looks a little like Berghain? LMAO…. I just want to get off the ride and go home already. Depression is gnarly but I’m hanging in there baby!
In February I really wanted to write you a cute letter for Valentine’s Day (it’s my favorite holiday), but I was too torn up by the news and feeling really isolated. This material world really crushes the soul so much! I’ve had to stop crushing on real people. It was too much of an escapist-fantasy-coping-mechanism for me and I end up crushing myself. Flirting with delusion NEVER yields any real satisfaction— it’s why I’m a BTS stan. The ARMY fan/idol relationship is so nourishing and reciprocal, with clear boundaries and pure LOVE. A truly satisfying crush relationship. 💜
Another truly satisfying relationship I’ve been cultivating is carving out Heartcore Romanticism, a term I coined to contain my exploration on heart-centered healing through beauty + romance. Did you know the word courage comes from the French word for heart "coeur” and “rage”?
Courage is a RAGING HEART.
Life is really rock n’ roll right now.
Rock and roll is
SEX, DEATH, VENGEANCE, RAGE, GRIEF, BEAUTY, TERROR, GLAMOUR
It exorcises. It attunes. It channels.
It’s cathartic to listen to HARD LOUD AND FAST
when you feel HARD LOUD AND FAST.
It’s CONFRONTATIONAL.
It’s completely devoid of chill.
A NO CHILL ZONE.
ARE YOU READY... TO ROCK?
Lmao just kidding but I did manage to write some poetry about my rock n’ roll life. Might just fuck around and share some of my rock n’ roll music soon.
Let’s coeur-rage together, yeah?
xxx
Coco